Just like building a house from the ground up, it requires laying down a foundation, so does a marriage. It needs to be built on a firm foundation, with Jesus Christ being the Rock and the Cornerstone, that holds everything together.
God provided us with everything we need to live a godly life through His power (2 Pet 1:3) and in His word He gave us a blueprint for what our life, relationships, and marriage union should look like.
As you walk out your marriage woes, consider specific commands and proverbs listed throughout the Scripture for the Husband and the Wife, to set a foundation for a successful marriage and a family life.
And Adam said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh:
she shall be called Woman because she was taken out of Man.”
In Matthew 19:6 we read “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” As scripture indicates, once joined together the husband and wife are no longer two but one. We need to come into the marriage union with that truth and fulfill the role of a helpmate.
As the man came first in the order of creation, the husband is to be the head and the leader of the family. Based on Biblical principles, he should provide the spiritual covering for the wife and the children. He is ultimately responsible. We saw this played out in the Garden. Even though Eve took the first bite, the responsibility fell on Adam.
In Ephesians 5 Paul emphasizes “For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.”
In the proceeding Scriptures, Paul writes, “The husband is to love his wife, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. (Eph 5:25)
The above verse paints a beautiful picture of a spiritual order for the family: Christ, Husband, Wife, and Children.
Paul, follows with another part of the command for the husband, “Men ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.” In Romans 13, we read and learn that Love does no wrong to its neighbor and therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
Remember, the Scriptures tell us that we are not to make idols of our significant others, or anyone or anything else for that matter. We are commanded to love God first. Jesus is our Bridegroom, and He should be at the center of our life. With Jesus at the center of our heart, we know love, what real love looks like, and can love others. “We love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19)
The husband has a big responsibility and a high order to fulfill, as he is to lay down his life for his bride. (Just as Jesus laid down His life for the Church) The “love” used in this scripture is Agape, the unconditionally and sacrificially type of love, the same love God has for us. Husbands are to love sacrificially and unconditionally, laying down their needs and desires and putting their bride first.
The call, to be a husband does come with blessing and brings favor. Proverbs 18:22 tells us “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD” This is a promise every man can stand on (I’m sure some criteria have to be met).
Peter, builds on what Paul wrote in Ephesians and commands the husband to “live with your wife in an understanding way [with great gentleness and tact, and with an intelligent regard for the marriage relationship], as with someone physically weaker, since she is a woman. Show her honor and respect as a fellow heir of the grace of life” he states this as a stern instruction, placing a warning at the end of the verse, “Otherwise your prayers may be hindered or ineffective” (1 Peter 3:7) The AMP and The Message translation do the best job highlighting the sacrificial and the unconditional love in this passage.
Ephesians also states one of the most important commands for the wife: “Wives are called to reverence their husbands.” (Eph 5:33)
The second is just as important. Since the man is the head, wives are called to submit to the husband’s leadership and the Spiritual Covering he provides.
Ephesians 5:22-24 states “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.“
The word submit is not always easily received. If you feel some resistance in your heart, seek God to reveal the root cause for that resistance, and let Him lead you to the truth.
The word “Submit” can be better defined as being subject to. Some synonyms for the word Submit include yield, give way, conform, agree, comply, be governed by, and adhere to. (This doesn’t mean to be led and give in to sinful behavior or into harm's way.)
As Christians, we are all called to submit to the Lord. Believers are also told to submit to each other, as it’s stated in Ephesians 5, this doesn’t depict authority but headship and creates order in the Kingdom.
In 1 Peter 3, we read “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct” This proceeds from being submissive and obedient to the Lord and following His commands. (I encourage you to read 1 Peter 3 in the AMP translation)
1 Peter 3 answers the concern of every wife (and husband), “What if my spouse is not a believer?” You as a godly wife (or husband), keep your eyes on Jesus, live by example, and keep praying. The Word tells us that “the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband" (1 Cor 7:14) There is hope when you trust in Christ.
The above commands, shape the entire marriage union. From these springs forth the success of the marriage and its foundation. Each person contributes to the relationship. Ecclesiastes tells us that “Two are better than one”, and “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)
Other scriptures to take to heart, when building a strong marriage.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32) When asked how many times we should forgive, Jesus answered, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” (Matt 18:22). Learn to overlook offense, forgive quickly, be merciful, and show grace. (James 1:19)
Proverbs 14:1 “The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.” Ladies, are to be the helpmate and make the husband's life load lighter. This brings us to another, wise proverb, “don’t be a nagging wife.”
There are several Scriptures, that provide a picture of what a life with a nagging wife is like, and no man wants that. One characteristic we need to work to avoid. Proverbs 21:9 and 25:24 both state “It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop than to share a house with a contentious woman” and Proverbs 27:15-16 puts it this way “A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike whoever restrains her restrains the wind, and grasps oil with his right hand.” Instead, meditate on Proverbs 19:11 “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense”
This brings us to the next Scriptures, about guarding our hearts, casting down all imaginations, taking our thoughts captive, and meditating on the good stuff.
Proverbs 4:23 tells us to guard our hearts because everything we do flows from it. We need to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.
Since the battle starts in our mind, knowing that our thoughts lead to our responses and those(words, comments) can either give life or destroy. Do not entertain or allow any thoughts to come in that have the potential to lead to strife, arguments, and offense. Proverbs 15:1 states, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Hold your tongue and learn to speak the truth in love. Or pray instead, and wait for the Holy Spirit to bring conviction and correction. A house divided will not stand. (Matt 12:25)
In Philippians, Paul tells us to meditate on whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, and anything of virtue and anything praiseworthy. (Philippians 4:8) The above should be our guide, as we focus on gratitude and encourage each other daily, not fault-finding.
Wash each other's feet. Pray for one another, and most importantly pray together. In Matthew 18:19, Jesus tells us “If two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.”
Husbands and wives should work as a team, in alignment and unity as they are one.
Bible Verses
‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Matt 22:37-39)
“We love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19)
For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body (Eph 5:23)
The husband is to love his wife, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it (Eph 5:25)
Love does no wrong to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law (Romans 13:10)
So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. (Matt 19:6)
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1)
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things (Phil 4:8)
For His divine power has bestowed on us [absolutely] everything necessary for [a dynamic spiritual] life and godliness, through true and personal knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. (2 Pet 1:3)
Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand (Matt 12:25)
So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath (James 1:19)
Let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Eph 5:33)